Thank you Craig Thompson for Blankets
I recently finished Craig Thompsons graphic novel Blankets and am stuck in a reflective, nostoglic, feeling about my past relationships with old flames and family members. So many topics hit really close to home and when I ask others they say the same thing.
Remebering my childhood makes me regret the past and long for a better future, but my past has been nothing wishful thinking of the future. This hit hard when finishing Blankets because it seems like, now in my late twenties, I’m ready to experience all that i can but feel like i’m running out of time fast. LIke my childhood is slipping away and before i know it I’ll get too old to enjoy the things i do now. Once i loved to play videogames, or draw comics, or hang out with my family, or go out for coffee, or go camping, or read, or spend time with others ….. All things change with time and that is what scares me.
I can see myself wishing for the future so I am starting to take back steps. Enjoying the present and letting go, or accepting, of the past is crucial to being happy now.
Music that slips through the cracks
i’ve loved music since i was a small child. The entire family, save for my mother and brother, played a musical instrument. I played the alto sax, guitar, Father played the guitar, one sister played the violin, and the other sister played the flute and trumpet. I can’t claim to be a great musician, but i do have a respect for music that others might not have.
My musical tastes have changed quite a bit through the years. I first liked classic rock, then metal, then rap, and now i’m shifting towards what the cable’s music channel is calling adult alternative. I think this is only because emo is now called alternative … which makes me sick. The bands i’ve been getting into are like The Toadies, The Lemonheads, The Smiths (almost favorite band of all time), Morrissey, Nada Surf, The Cure and other bands that just hit me with a powerfull lyric and calm melody.
Morrissey has been my latest fascination. His music directly after The Smiths was like his former band. Becuase of this i didn’t pay much attention. I listened to the singles or greatest hits album, but i didn’t listen with the same passion as with any of the Smiths albums. Maybe this is because back then it was more of an accoustic guitar repeating melody w/ such beautiful lyrics and now its not the band i’m listening to, but rather just the lead vocals.
This all changed with his two latest albums, “You are the quarry” and “Ringleader of the tormentors”. These albums take Morrissey back to a rock’n feel and allows me to embrace the lyrics again. I’m not sure if you’d understand because he has such great songs like “The more you ignore me the closer i get”, “Suede Head”, “Everyday is like sunday”, and “We hate it when our friends become successfull”, but even with these songs i’ve felt like the 90’s Morrissey felt like a slow crep instead of a powerful burst.
With his new album coming out soon, i’m super excited that the next album will be just as good as his last two. I know i’m probably getting over excited but It has been a while since someone’s singing, lyrics, and music has hit me in the same way The Smiths and Morrissey’s music has.
jonathan
Doubt and faith
Doubt and faith
When pressed between hard times and harsh realities, the thought of faith and prayer arises. This can be seen in medical emergencies, before a tough exam, or when rooting for a favorite sports team. Most of the time prayer is nothing more than a nonverbal expression of hope that one can make while sighing. This use of prayer dilutes the power of faith just as how certain words have lost their true meaning, or power, through misuse, ignorance, or triteness. When prayer is more than superstition but rather hope and reason, the thought of amelioration becomes plausible. Of course being human, no one can have absolute faith all the time and when times get harder, it is only natural for prayer to become more prevalent. What happens when prayers come true? Should one accept a gift from God with open arms or be weary. Is being weary a sign of a lack of faith in prayer and inevitably God? Is it wrong not to accept something that one has prayed for since it seems like prayers go unanswered for so many people. Prayer has been a vehicle for hope in the power of faith and God but without reason and doubt, the power prayer is unanalyzed and not interpreted thus underappreciated and often unaware.
Doubt and Prayer
By Alfred Tennyson
THO’ Sin too oft, when smitten by Thy rod,
Rail at ‘Blind Fate’ with many a vain ‘Alas”
From sin thro’ sorrow into Thee we pass
By that same path our true forefathers trod;
And let not Reason fail me, nor the sod
Draw from my death Thy living flower and grass,
Before I learn that Love, which is, and was
My Father, and my Brother, and my God!
Steel me with patience! soften me with grief!
Let blow the trumpet strongly while I pray,
Till this embattled wall of unbelief
My prison, not my fortress, fall away!
Then, if Thou willest, let my day be brief,
So Thou wilt strike Thy glory thro’ the day.
Love,
Jonathan
List of recommended Podcasts!
Here is a simple list of recommended podcasts:
diggnation, twit, twig, Linux action show, cranky geeks, Sidescrollers, Security Now!, and LugRadio.
download these and enjoy!
-jonathan
Ozzfest 2007
Ozzfest 2007 at Alpine Valley, WI was an all day party. I’m still burnt to shit from not wearing sunscreen and i swear i’m still a little dehydrated. But with all that aside, i had a great time and the music kicked my ass.
Some things that grabed my attention was how much Hatebreed kicked my ass! They rocked so hard and i’m not even into the hardcore metal scene. They reminded me of how Pantera rocked ten years ago … RIP. Another thing was that most of the music played was hardcore/black metal. I remember old Ozzfests being centered around more rock’n Metal like Ozzy, Manson, Zombie, and just more rocking metal. I’m not knocking these kinds, but its just not my thing. I’ve been known to play some Dan Swano, Amorphis, Tristainia and other darker metal but when the melody is replaced with repetitious gutteral guitar and dumb double kick drumming, i’m out.
A little thing that hurt was that people were knocking Lordi right behind me. To be honest, Lordi was the only reason i went to Ozzfest. They kick ass and no one really knows them over in the US. I have to admit that they didn’t sound the best live but they where million times better than Lamb of God, which i think stinks (enough said). Also they kept saying Michigan instead of Wisconson and they referred to Alpine Valley as Milwaukee instead of East Troy. This is not horrible since there is a Troy Michigan and the concert was really close to Milwaukee but it just made the Asswholes behind me laugh more and think Lordi sucks. Well, they can suck it.
Overall the concert was awesome with toppless girls, rockin bands, and a chillin party crowd that only got out of control at a safe distance from me.
I’m out!
Quit my job!
I know that no one reads this and no one cares but i just wanted to scream to the world that i just quit my job! Six years of hell at corporate retail giant and not even a $1.50 raise. Hopefully now i will be able to get a job that involves what i have studied during college. I’m feeling relieved and worried at the same time.
An empty feeling
Today started off normal. Class, work, class and them sleep is my usual daily routine and today was no different. I had a great lunch with a friend and soon, now that i’m out of my last class for the day, my girl friend will be coming over in a few hours right before i must go to bed and repeat the cycle. An ordinary day with a few challenges in class and no real personal problems should set up the night for relaxing, going out, or at least a good feeling of accomplishment, but tonight I feel empty.
The feeling is like a rock in my stomach or an ache in my heart. I’m not sure why the inexplicable sense of depression or melancholy. I believe i think to much of the future and what i am to become. I worry that I’ll never graduate, even though I’m almost finished, and if I do graduate, i won’t be able to find a job that doesn’t pay minimum. I worry about my relationship with my girlfriend. She thinks about the future as well, but she mainly thinks about marriage or children. We don’t always see things the same, and here is a prime example. For now I’ll leave it as that.
These worries do not consume me. I’m usually happy and confident in what I do and say, but today I lament for no reason. Maybe it is all chemical and not situational. Missing endorphins or late of chemical/mineral/vitamin whatever leading me into a spiral of sadness. Being unbalanced and moody is a foreign concept to me, and this is especially apparent when dealing with friends. I have a few friends with supposed depression, bi-polar, and manic but i really haven’t experienced any of that myself. Maybe this is what its like.
I think I want to sleep or get high. Forget what I’m not remembering. Lose my myself before i realize what I’m not.
French Night
Last night i stayed up late trying not to accomplish anything. This happens when the mind realizes that the body has been so busy all week that it wants to shut down on Sunday. This is not brought out with drinking or any other libation, but rather a constant state of motion that never ceases. A perpetual motion machine in constant loops around job, eat, and sleep. So last night I chilled.
While relaxing on my pillow top mattress, i decided to watch a film called Delicatessen. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101700/ . The premise is a Butcher is killing people to feed to his tenents, but when the daughter of the butcher falls in love with the new tenant, she has to decide whether or not to help the new item on the building’s menu. It was full of beautiful camera shots, suspense, and action. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good film that might not be something they would normally pick.
The night was also complemented with the sexy sounds of Air. Air is a French techno/trancy band that fascinates me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_%28band%29 . The light sound relaxes, but the actual composure of it stimulates and makes me look deep within its notes, beats, and melody. Their website is also amazing. http://www.pocket-symphony.com/ . Not only is the site designed beautifully but it also sports video, sound clips, and other information. It is a must to go there and just sit and listen. Then watch and absorb. Relax and enjoy.
hopefully i can get responses from anyone who runs into this post. Tell me what you think!
